The view I'd like to see...

Is not one I personally could take you to.

I've decided that I do not want to be one of those people who are content with being alone.

I like to spend time alone and it makes me happy. I like having personal goals and ambitions and desires. I believe in being independently sure of yourself, having strength and peace of mind and being content with who you are.

But i do not want to reach the point that I feel that I am better off or am happier making the journey alone.

Sometimes I can be feminist and rockin' the girl power without shame. But I also believe in being dependent when it counts. And in truth I believe trust is a beautiful state. It's a view I'd like to see first hand someday, even if it's a long road.

True happiness cannot be achieved alone. That is why we are put here together. The very journey to our life experience  depends on other people. So it makes sense that the adventure here wouldn't be any different.

Too much to ask?

I am your friend. I like that! I can be chill and nonchalant. I like that too. I even like that you can trust me to be your wing man (though it's slightly twisted).

But I AM a girl. Surprising, I know.
And I actually like FEELING like a girl.

Please treat me like one.

Might seem weird at first, but we'll catch on... cause in the end it's normal.

Is that too much to ask?
I really don't feel like it is.

Note to self:

Revenge never was happiness.

Today I overheard a woman talking about lawyers and suing and winning and losing.
She did not sound happy.
If if she wins it's hard for me to believe that she would be satisfied. Her emotions decide her actions and winning a lawsuit doesn't heal a wound. It's more like the dark sunglasses you wear out trying to pretend like nothing happened.

The world tries to offer these quick fix answers that don't work.

Personal peace involves forgiveness. It involves Christ and his Atonement. It's the only cure that reaches deep enough. That actually cleans... purifies really... instead of covering up.

Bad things happen. Hurtful things. Awful things. Why do we turn to the source that caused them? Instead of falling into the arms that can heal?

He asks us to let go. To keep moving on. To forgive. Others can tumble with others, but we can have peace and be happy in spite.

Let's skip

This morning at the temple I realized how much I need God in my life.
I have these realizations often, which I guess is a good thing because every once in a while I need a good check up, but still every time feels like the first epiphany ever felt by man.
As I was helping someone I realized that she was completely depending on me. She trusted in me completely knowing that I would know how to help her. That if she couldn't, I could. In that moment I was thinking about nothing, no one but her. All I wanted was to fill that role she needed. Whatever doubt I ever had that I couldn't was quickly blown away and replaced by surety from her trust.
And that's when it happened.
How often must God see my wide eyed, child's gaze looking up at him?
And how much does he want to help?
How often do I trust? And how often do I run?

So I had a talk with myself.
I said, "Self. Running is tiring when you're going in circles. Let's not do that anymore. Let's slow down and skip awhile."
(It's been a long time since I've skipped... and it's fun!)
And myself said, well... quite nothing actually...
...because myself knows that I decide what me and myself do.
So that was the end of that. And here we go. :)

 

This is the temple in my hometown.

I have the opportune blessing to serve here every Saturday morning.

#feelslikehome #ilovemylife

Sometimes I'm wrong.

...like that time.
I need to apologize. As jaded as I at times feel... I still do believe in love. I do!

In the words of our dearest Jordan Sparks:
"No matter what you say about love, I keep coming back for more. Keep my hand in the fire, sooner or later I'll get what I'm asking for."

It will be boring but it'll be passionate.
It'll be old but it'll be new.
It'll be hard but it will be clear.

If God's in it. Then here's to fighting for it.

But then again...

...maybe it's because sometimes I still feel like this.

The Greatly Deluded Gatsby

I had never read the oh so talked about book, never heard a thing of it's story line, nor was curious to discover what was behind the hyped up film trailers.

But when the family wants to see a movie... we take it as a time to bond. It truly has brought some special moments ;)

I can say that I honestly was entranced the whole movie. And I think that's why I hated it. I hated what it made me feel. So in love. So confused. So passionate and angry. So much hope. I felt what they were feeling that is until the end when the allusion fell to pieces.  Everything had been built up to a lie. In Gatsby's last moments he was on a high. In the peak of his hope is when my train derailed from that useless track that lead to nowhere.
 During his flight I was tumbling back to reality. Realizing that I was now leaving a theatre with less hope than, with which I walked in with.

In the end I came to realize that it wasn't Gatsby that was so deceived. It was I. I had been carried away and lead to believe.  

When did I become so cynical?

Gatsby gave away half of his heart to love the other half. Part of him was missing because of an obsession that he chose. I don't feel it should be that way. Half of your heart shouldn't kill the other. That's just silly and absurd.

But then again, what is your heart? A muscle. It's as strong as you want it to be. It can be trained. It can love what you want it to.
Maybe the idea of "love" is role play and most people are faking it because role play is always more fun.

I hate that part of me truly believes that.