The morning comes

Loneliness can swarm you. Eat you alive.
We all have our own ways of responding to such moments.
Desperate circumstances call for desperate measures.

In other words: coping.

I relate it to being drunk. After that first compliance, complete control and sense have been wiped off the table and as you stand there in a haze looking down, trying to make the most concious decision for your next move you half knowingly comply again. Then you no longer own your actions and you seem to keep doing what will seemingly make you feel better.

I then relate it to muscle tear and regrowth.
Cause as much as you kick yourself in the morning for loosing control again, you realize you've learned and you're a little bit stronger than you were before.

Today I cried. A lot.
Actually at first I held it in. Made myself sick thinking it was something I ate. And then on the way home realized tears were running down my cheeks that wouldn't stop.

Half way through I remembered what my friend used to say about our problems being so little compared to those of others.
--Perspective can truly make a tear turn to vapor.
So I stopped. But my tears were quickly replaced by the sickness. So I thought to myself.... My tears are mine, I will do with them what I will. So I did.
And I cried. A lot more.

And I don't feel cured. But I feel better.